Erection Coordinator wrote to All <=-
Why is the head of a penis wider than the shaft?
To prevent a man's hand from losing grip and hitting himself in the
face ...◄
[fades to black...]
[Scene: an expansive hotel room with a collection of nerds and a white
board.]
Yeah, we're gonna win even if I have to go into the auditorium and
personally jerk off every guy in the audience.
That's a lot of jerking.
And we only have ten minutes to present. So...
So, we're f*cked, aren't we?
Yeah, even if he's jerking two at a time, there are, what, 800 guys in
that room?
So that's 400 times whatever the mean jerk-time is.
The what?
Mean jerk-time.
I mean, it doesn't matter, but, hypothetically, time is equal to 400
total jerks at a two-d*ck rate.
Unless Erlich jerks off four guys at a time, and then we can cut that in
half.
How would he do four guys...? He's got two hands, so that's two dicks at
a time, right?
Look, you have two guys on either side with their dicks, tip to tip, so
you're going full-length. Four, see?
Oh...
From the middle out. That does make sense.
Like two Shake Weights?
Yeah, so what we're trying to do, hypothetically, is minimize time,
which is 800 dudes, multiplied by mean-jerk time, divided by four dicks
at a time.
Of course, Erlich would have to pre-sort guys by height, so that their
dicks lined up.
Not by height, technically.
The measurement that we're looking for, really, is d*ck to floor.
Call that D2F.
Huh.
Oh, my God.
You know, if a guy's d*ck was long enough, it would be able to reach up
or down to another guy with a different D2F.
The longer the d*ck, the greater the D2F bridge, but I would still be
able to jerk it off in one smooth motion...
I'd just have to jerk it on an angle.
Gilfoyle: So D2F sub-1 needs to equal D2F sub-2, and D2F sub-3 needs to
equal D2F sub-4, where length L creates a complimentary shaft angle.
I'm such an idiot. Middle out!
Middle out! Middle out! Oh, my God.
How could I...? Uh...
Guys, does girth-similarity affect Erlich's ability to jerk different
dicks simultaneously?
Shit. Yeah, I think it would.
[rapid tapping on keyboard]
Of course, it does. Time to orgasm, or T2O, has to be the same for each matching pair of dicks otherwise I'm wasting a lot of great strokes on a
guy that's already busted.
Unless you can hotswap dicks in and out. So on a downstroke, you get a
new one in.
So when you stroke up you're not wasting any energy.
Even so. I think this is the most reliable metric for stamina.
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